The Debate of Pain

The Debate of Pain

As a sufferer of chronic pain for many trying years, I find myself wanting to reach out to others and try to help by offering insight in the world of chronic pain to other sufferers, their loved ones, and those who are curious. 

My goal is not to press new information into the hands of those who don't want it, to insist of new, unproven remedies, but to gently encourage and show that, yes, it is possible to live a full life within the confines of pain, but, perhaps not in the way you'd imagine. 

My earliest memory of chronic pain began with headaches, and, then, their fiercer and more evil cousins, migraines. Then I herniated my L5-S1 disk when I was seventeen, and, eventually, the disk wore out, and I was diagnosed with degenerative disk disease (DDD) after a fall at work in 2011, and then became unable to work. I had to file for disability, a process that took two and a half years to get approved for, and another six months to get benefits from the Social Security Administration. During this time in limbo, I entered my “Dark Days”, a period of about three years that were filled with doctor appointments, failing treatments, hospitalizations for depression and suicidal thoughts, and, of course, PAIN. All the while I had general muscle pain, which I now know is fibromyalgia. Then, about a year and a half ago, came the joint pain that was diagnosed as psoriatic arthritis (PSA). “What will happen next?”, I sometimes wonder.

But, somehow, as a caterpillar undergoes metamorphoses while in an apparent state of limbo, I seem to have changed into something more than a person whose life was dictated by pain, and could think of nothing else. Something much more. I understand that I will probably always have pain in this imperfect body, but that’s okay. Instead of fighting it, I accept it and work with it. It’s like I see light at the end of a tunnel. I see a future. I feel hopeful. I have faith. I will not give up.